After arriving in the incredibly organized and clean Puerto Vallarta airport. I soon realized that while all of the group sat in different sections of the plane due to booking our tickets at different times; one of the group had sat in an exit row built to party. The Smurf partied it up with the entire exit row village. I could tell because he had donned a Cheshire cat like grin and walked like he was wandering the top decks of a tall ship at sea.
We all got through customs with out pre filled out paperwork from the plane. We all pressed the randomizer red button and bet on green. Everyone one that bet and security and customs was a breeze. When I say everybody, I really mean all those that didn’t sit in an exit party row and anyone with the name of Smurf.
As we stood cleared of all customs; we looked back to see Smurf patting his pockets like a man who just realized he left his wallet, phone and dignity on the plane. The curious part though was that he got this far. He had already had his passport stamped by the security agent. Whom which in my instance told me to keep this one piece of paper for the customs line and he took the rest. It was that one piece of paper that I knew Smurf was pawning for.
We knew Smurf would make it through at some point, so the rest of the group ventured onwards and upwards in hopes of finding our pre-arranged driver. The moment you moved 3 paces away from the customs area, we all got bombarded by locals vying for your business. Taxi drivers, uber drivers, bus drivers, damn it, I think there was even a little Mexican that was offering piggy back rides.
I hung back from the group to wait for Smurf. He puttered through, caught a green light and was now on his way. I watched as he was accosted by the Mexican transportation business. I can’t tell you how funny it is to watch someone with the soul of an angel and non-ability to say “No” to anyone fight their way through a gauntlet of Mexican drivers aggressively requesting his business. “Ummm Sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, I think we have a ride, maybe next time, OK maybe, I don’t think so, sorry”.
We meet up with the rest of the group outside while the arranger of said driver texts back and forth with our pick up. We arrived early and customs were quick so therefore we got outside a little sooner than the driver anticipated. He would be here soon. In the mean time; Smurf had agreed to jump in every taxi offered by lonely Mexican females at the airport. Constantly telling the group “let’s take this cab” – “This cab is ready”. Then having to tell the driver “Oh sorry, I didn’t know we had a driver arranged, sorry, next time” then fist pump them, or ask their name, give his and pat on the back. It was like watching a super fast high school relationship from conception through to break up all in the matter of 3 minutes over and over and over again.
Leo the driver found us. It was quickly apparent that Leo’s mode of transportation was not going to fit all of us and the luggage at the same time. Unless of course some of use ride on the roof. Which by the way, I had already seen while waiting outside the airport so when in Rome do as the Mexican’s do. On to the roof we go. I’m just kidding. I don’t think our health insurance would cover that. Plus my roof riding buddy can barely navigate solid ground right now let alone the roof of a moving car.
Leo offered to take the girls and their luggage and said his Seestur would come grab Smurf and I momentarily. So thoughtful of Leo. So the girls got in the car, we packed in the luggage and off they went. Leaving me with the instant feeling that I don’t know who the hell Leo is, where they are going and bye bye to the girls, I think they belong to the Mexican Cartel now.
Leo was kind enough to tell us that his Seestur would be driving a brown Jeep. We then proceeded to stand there and wait for fifteen minutes give or take a half hour while Smurf called out every non brown Jeep as the one that’s going to pick us up. Finally the Jeep arrived and Grace was the driver along with her house sized 16 year old son in the passenger front seat. Grace immediately apologized; which we assumed was for the tardiness. However, it was for the fact that her Jeep was packed full of laundry and that there really isn’t any room for either us or our luggage. Seems logical – who would travel all the way to Mexico with any luggage on their vacation?? I definitely shouldn’t have.
We jammed all our luggage and us in to the back seat; while the Mexican strong man in the front seat sat on his phone playing candy crush and the tiny Mexcian Mom apologized over and over again about her laundry. However, we were off. Certainly to the same Cartel fate that our female companions had recently been driven too.
The ride was entertaining. Smurf sparked conversation and continually slapped the giant teen in the shoulder followed by the comment “right bud??”. I listened as Smurf invited Grace, her Son and their entire family to Vancouver. It sounded like Grace was well travelled and she wanted her Son to take computer science in Canada; most likely Vancouver. Smurf sold them on how amazing Vancouver is and it’s a foodie town; which is what your Son has to go, cause he looks like he could eat a house, ‘SLAP – Right Bud?”.
We got to a gate with a security dude. Spanish conversation happened and the gate opened. If this was the Cartel, then I could already tell they were rather polite and the buildings they occupied are spectacular from the outside. We pull in to a round about and I can see the girls. At least we were all being kidnapped to the same place; that’s pleasant. Smurf and I peeled ourselves out of the Jeep like sardines in a container stuffed with luggage and there we were; in the lobby of our humble abode for the next week.
We thanked Grace for picking us up and without saying it out loud; we really just thanked her for not being Cartel and kidnapping us for a ransom that nobody would pay therefor resulting in our certain horrible deaths. Thank you Grace.
Leo then told us the secret code for the elevator and up we went. When the elevator doors opened up, we stepped out in to our living room. With a 100 degree view of the ocean. This place is amazing. 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, spectacular views. Totally worth not being kidnapped for.
This vacation continues to be amazing.